The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and Ho

Description: The Power of Showing Up by Daniel J. Siegel, Tina Payne Bryson Parenting isnt easy. Showing up is. Your greatest impact begins right where you are. Now the bestselling authors of The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline explain what this means over the course of childhood."There is parenting magic in this book."—Michael Thompson, Ph.D., co-author of the New York Times bestselling classic Raising Cain One of the very best scientific predictors for how any child turns out—in terms of happiness, academic success, leadership skills, and meaningful relationships—is whether at least one adult in their life has consistently shown up for them. In an age of scheduling demands and digital distractions, showing up for your child might sound like a tall order. But as bestselling authors Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson reassuringly explain, it doesnt take a lot of time, energy, or money. Instead, showing up means offering a quality of presence. And its simple to provide once you understand the four building blocks of a childs healthy development. Every child needs to feel what Siegel and Bryson call the Four Ss: • Safe: We cant always insulate a child from injury or avoid doing something that leads to hurt feelings. But when we give a child a sense of safe harbor, she will be able to take the needed risks for growth and change. • Seen: Truly seeing a child means we pay attention to his emotions—both positive and negative—and strive to attune to whats happening in his mind beneath his behavior. • Soothed: Soothing isnt about providing a life of ease; its about teaching your child how to cope when life gets hard, and showing him that youll be there with him along the way. A soothed child knows that hell never have to suffer alone. • Secure: When a child knows she can count on you, time and again, to show up—when you reliably provide safety, focus on seeing her, and soothe her in times of need, she will trust in a feeling of secure attachment. And thrive! Based on the latest brain and attachment research, The Power of Showing Up shares stories, scripts, simple strategies, illustrations, and tips for honoring the Four Ss effectively in all kinds of situations—when our kids are struggling or when they are enjoying success; when we are consoling, disciplining, or arguing with them; and even when we are apologizing for the times we dont show up for them. Demonstrating that mistakes and missteps are repairable and that its never too late to mend broken trust, this book is a powerful guide to cultivating your childs healthy emotional landscape. FORMAT Paperback LANGUAGE English CONDITION Brand New Author Biography Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the David Geffen School of Medicine at UCLA, the founding co-director of the UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center, and the executive director of the Mindsight Institute. A graduate of Harvard Medical School, Dr. Siegel is the author of several books, including the New York Times bestsellers Aware and Brainstorm, and is the co-author with Tina Payne Bryson of The Whole-Brain Child, No-Drama Discipline, and The Yes Brain. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, with welcome visits from their adult son and daughter. Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D., is the founder and executive director of the Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice, and of the Play Strong Institute, a center devoted to the study, research, and practice of play therapy through a neurodevelopmental lens. She is a licensed clinical social worker, providing pediatric and adolescent psychotherapy and parenting consultations. Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, clinicians, and industry leaders around the world. She earned her Ph.D. from the University of Southern California and lives in Los Angeles with her husband and three children. Review "Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson have spun a miracle—The Power of Showing Up is the ultimate guide to family reconnection. Clear, profound, and charmingly-illustrated, it unravels the challenges of modern parenting and reveals the simple truths about what children really need from the adults in their lives."—Wendy Mogel, Ph.D., New York Times bestselling author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee and The Blessing of a B Minus "Parenting at this moment in time and at todays pace feels hard. But that makes it all that much more important that we try to simplify the process of parenting and not put quite so much pressure on our own parenting shoulders. The Power of Showing Up will help you do just that. Siegel and Payne Bryson are master teachers when it comes to helping parents react and respond to kids in ways that communicate I hear you. They articulate and quantify how to make your parenting easier—and better!"—Christine Carter, Ph.D., author of Raising Happiness "Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson have written their best book yet—and that is saying a lot. They have distilled their parenting wisdom—based on neuroscience research and a deep empathy for childrens needs—into a profound concept: showing up. It is one of those great ideas that seems so obvious—but only after someone has shown it to you and spelled it out clearly. Best of all, Siegel and Payne Bryson show up for the reader of this book. They know parents, know their fears and anxieties, hopes and dreams, and they provide an accessible path to seeing and soothing children and providing them with safety and security."—Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., author of Playful Parenting "An essential book for every parent who yearns to be more effective and present and, simply, better. It shows us that we dont have to be perfect, but we can make our kids feel more secure and confident (now and in the future) if we are present and aware as parents. This important book gives us the steps to follow to make this happen."—Harold S. Koplewicz, M.D., president, Child Mind Institute "Rarely does a book so broad and deep of subject give you the small doable steps to find your way to success, confidence, and connection with your children. The Power of Showing Up brings to life the Zulu greeting Sawubona (I see you) and the refrain Ngikhona (I am here), which are essential for the parent-child connection."—Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting and The Soul of Discipline"Drs. Siegel and Payne Bryson teach us how a parent can make a child feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure, even if he or she didnt have that in their own childhoods."—Michael Thompson, Ph.D., co-author of the New York Times bestselling classic Raising Cain"Siegel and Bryson provide relatable real world examples and . . . specific advice for handling various situations. . . . Parents looking for solid research delivered in an accessible manner will find Siegel and Bryson getting the job done well yet again."—Booklist Long Description Parenting isnt easy. Showing up is. Your greatest impact begins right where you are. Now the bestselling authors of The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline explain what this means over the course of childhood. "There is parenting magic in this book."--Michael Thompson, Ph.D., co-author of the New York Times bestselling classic Raising Cain One of the very best scientific predictors for how any child turns out--in terms of happiness, academic success, leadership skills, and meaningful relationships--is whether at least one adult in their life has consistently shown up for them. In an age of scheduling demands and digital distractions, showing up for your child might sound like a tall order. But as bestselling authors Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson reassuringly explain, it doesnt take a lot of time, energy, or money. Instead, showing up means offering a quality of presence. And its simple to provide once you understand the four building blocks of a childs healthy development. Every child needs to feel what Siegel and Bryson call the Four Ss: - Safe: We cant always insulate a child from injury or avoid doing something that leads to hurt feelings. But when we give a child a sense of safe harbor, she will be able to take the needed risks for growth and change. - Seen: Truly seeing a child means we pay attention to his emotions--both positive and negative--and strive to attune to whats happening in his mind beneath his behavior. - Soothed: Soothing isnt about providing a life of ease; its about teaching your child how to cope when life gets hard, and showing him that youll be there with him along the way. A soothed child knows that hell never have to suffer alone. - Secure: When a child knows she can count on you, time and again, to show up--when you reliably provide safety, focus on seeing her, and soothe her in times of need, she will trust in a feeling of secure attachment. And thrive! Based on the latest brain and attachment research, The Power of Showing Up shares stories, scripts, simple strategies, illustrations, and tips for honoring the Four Ss effectively in all kinds of situations--when our kids are struggling or when they are enjoying success; when we are consoling, disciplining, or arguing with them; and even when we are apologizing for the times we dont show up for them. Demonstrating that mistakes and missteps are repairable and that its never too late to mend broken trust, this book is a powerful guide to cultivating your childs healthy emotional landscape. Review Quote "Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson have spun a miracle-- The Power of Showing Up is the ultimate guide to family reconnection. Clear, profound, and charmingly-illustrated, it unravels the challenges of modern parenting and reveals the simple truths about what children really need from the adults in their lives." --Wendy Mogel, Ph.D., New York Times bestselling author of The Blessing of a Skinned Knee and The Blessing of a B Minus "Parenting at this moment in time and at todays pace feels hard. But that makes it all that much more important that we try to simplify the process of parenting and not put quite so much pressure on our own parenting shoulders. The Power of Showing Up will help you do just that. Siegel and Payne Bryson are master teachers when it comes to helping parents react and respond to kids in ways that communicate I hear you. They articulate and quantify how to make your parenting easier--and better!" --Christine Carter, Ph.D., author of Raising Happiness "Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson have written their best book yet--and that is saying a lot. They have distilled their parenting wisdom--based on neuroscience research and a deep empathy for childrens needs--into a profound concept: showing up. It is one of those great ideas that seems so obvious--but only after someone has shown it to you and spelled it out clearly. Best of all, Siegel and Payne Bryson show up for the reader of this book. They know parents, know their fears and anxieties, hopes and dreams, and they provide an accessible path to seeing and soothing children and providing them with safety and security." --Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., author of Playful Parenting "An essential book for every parent who yearns to be more effective and present and, simply, better. It shows us that we dont have to be perfect, but we can make our kids feel more secure and confident (now and in the future) if we are present and aware as parents. This important book gives us the steps to follow to make this happen." --Harold S. Koplewicz, M.D., president, Child Mind Institute "Rarely does a book so broad and deep of subject give you the small doable steps to find your way to success, confidence, and connection with your children. The Power of Showing Up brings to life the Zulu greeting Sawubona (I see you) and the refrain Ngikhona (I am here), which are essential for the parent-child connection." --Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting and The Soul of Discipline "Drs. Siegel and Payne Bryson teach us how a parent can make a child feel safe, seen, soothed, and secure, even if he or she didnt have that in their own childhoods." --Michael Thompson, Ph.D., co-author of the New York Times bestselling classic Raising Cain "Siegel and Bryson provide relatable real world examples and . . . specific advice for handling various situations. . . . Parents looking for solid research delivered in an accessible manner will find Siegel and Bryson getting the job done well yet again." -- Booklist Excerpt from Book Chapter 1 What It Means to Show Up One message we deliver over and over whenever we write about parenting is that you dont have to be perfect. Nobody is. Theres no such thing as flawless child-rearing. (Well pause while you let out a deep, relieved breath.) So raise a warm, left-in-the-minivan juice box to all of us imperfect parents out there. At some level we all know this, but many of us--especially committed, thoughtful, intentional parents--consistently fall prey to feelings of anxiety or inadequacy. We worry about our children and their safety, of course, but we also worry that were not being "good enough" in the way were raising them. We worry that our kids wont grow up to be responsible or resilient or relational or...(fill in the blank). We worry about the times we let them down, or hurt them. We worry that were not giving them enough attention, or that were giving them too much attention. We even worry that we worry too much! Weve written this book for all the imperfect parents who care deeply about their kids (as well as for imperfect grandparents and teachers and professionals and anyone else who cares for a child). We have one central message full of comfort and hope: When youre not sure how to respond in a given situation with your child, dont worry. Theres one thing you can always do, and its the best thing of all. Instead of worrying, or trying to attain some standard of perfection that simply doesnt exist, just show up. Showing up means what it sounds like. It means being there for your kids. It means being physically present, as well as providing a quality of presence. Provide it when youre meeting their needs; when youre expressing your love to them; when youre disciplining them; when youre laughing together; even when youre arguing with them. You dont have to be perfect. You dont have to read all the parenting bestsellers, or sign your kids up for all the right enrichment activities. You dont have to have a committed co-parent. You dont even have to know exactly what youre doing. Just show up. Showing up means bringing your whole being--your attention and awareness--when youre with your child. When we show up, we are mentally and emotionally present for our child in that moment. In many ways, there is no other time but now--this present moment of time--and you are in charge of learning how to show up in ways that will both greatly empower you as a parent and promote resilience and strength in your child. Its this power of presence that enables us to create an empowered mind for our children--even if we mess up on a regular basis. Depending on your background and what kind of parents you had as a child, showing up for your own kids might come naturally. Or, you might find it difficult. You might even recognize at this moment that youre not showing up for your kids in a consistent way, either physically or emotionally. In the coming pages well discuss how, regardless of your own childhood experiences, you can be--and continue to become--the kind of parent you want to be. Of course we all make better and worse decisions as parents, and there are all kinds of skills we can attain to help our children develop in optimal ways. But when you get right down to it, parenting is about simply being present for our kids. As well soon explain, the longitudinal research on child development clearly demonstrates that one of the very best predictors for how any child turns out--in terms of happiness, social and emotional development, leadership skills, meaningful relationships, and even academic and career success--is whether they developed security from having at least one person who showed up for them. Across cultures around the globe, these studies reveal a universal finding about how we can parent well, if not flawlessly. And the great news is that these empirical findings can be synthesized and then made accessible for all of us imperfect parents all over the world. Thats what this book is about. What Showing Up Looks Like: The Four Ss When a caregiver predictably (not perfectly) cares for a child, that child will enjoy the very best outcomes, even in the face of significant adversity. Predictable care that supports a healthy and empowering relationship embodies what we call the "Four Ss"--helping kids feel (1) safe--they feel protected and sheltered from harm; (2) seen--they know you care about them and pay attention to them; (3) soothed--they know youll be there for them when theyre hurting; and (4) secure--based on the other Ss, they trust you to predictably help them feel "at home" in the world, then learn to help themselves feel safe, seen, and soothed. When we can offer kids the Four Ss, making repairs whenever the inevitable ruptures in these connections with our children may occur, we help create whats called "secure attachment," and its absolutely key to optimal healthy development. As in our other books, everything we present here is backed by science and research. And as well soon explain, these ideas emerge from the field of attachment science, where for the last half-century researchers have been conducting careful studies. If you know our earlier work--from Dans title with Mary Hartzell called Parenting from the Inside Out and through our books The Whole-Brain Child, No-Drama Discipline, and The Yes Brain--then youll immediately see, as you read the coming pages, how this book expands on what weve written before by going deeper into concepts vital to understanding the science behind whole-brain parenting. Weve even added a few new twists here and there, since our understanding of parenting and the brain, along with the field of attachment science in general, continues to grow and evolve. So readers who know our work well will both see something new and feel right at home, recognizing familiar concepts while also gaining a richer understanding of them. Weve worked hard to make the scientific information as accessible as possible, so that even someone approaching these ideas for the first time can follow along and immediately apply them in their personal and parenting lives. In addition to attachment science, the other primary scientific framework underpinning our work is interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB), an approach in which we combine various fields of science into one perspective on what the mind and mental thriving are all about. IPNB looks at how our mind--including our feelings and thoughts, our attention and awareness--and our brain and the whole body are deeply interwoven within our relationships with one another and the world around us each to shape who we are. The field of IPNB has dozens of professional textbooks (now over seventy) exploring the science of mental health and human development. Within those fields synthesized by IPNB is the study of attachment as well as scholarship on the brain, including a focus on how the brain changes in response to experience, called neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity explains how the actual physical architecture of the brain adapts to new experiences and information, reorganizing itself and creating new neural pathways based on what a person sees, hears, touches, thinks about, practices, and so on. Anything we give attention to, anything we emphasize in our experiences and interactions, creates new links in the brain. Where attention goes, neurons fire. And where neurons fire, they wire, or join together. What does this have to do with showing up? Well, your reliable presence in the lives of your children can significantly impact the physical architecture and connectivity in their brains, creating mental models and expectations about the way the world works. A mental model is a summary the brain makes that creates a generalization of many repeated experiences. Such mental models are constructed from the past, filter our current experience, and shape how we anticipate and sometimes even sculpt our future interactions. The mental models are formed within the architecture of neural networks underlying attachment and memory. No kidding--the experiences you provide in terms of your relationship with your child will literally mold the physical structure of her brain. Those connections in the brain in turn influence how her mind will work. In other words, when parents consistently show up, their childrens minds come to expect that the world is a place that can be understood and meaningfully interacted with--even in times of trouble and pain--because the experiences you provide shape the ways the brain processes information. The brain learns to anticipate certain realities, based on what has happened before. That means your children will predict whats coming next based on previous experience. So when you are present for them, they come to expect positive interactions--from others, and from themselves. Kids learn who they are and who they can and should be, in both good times and bad, through their interactions with us, their parents. Showing up thus creates in our kids neural pathways that lead to selfhood, grit, strength, and resilience. Details ISBN1524797731 Author Tina Payne Bryson Short Title The Power of Showing Up Pages 256 Language English Year 2021 ISBN-10 1524797731 ISBN-13 9781524797737 Format Paperback Publication Date 2021-01-05 Subtitle How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Get Wired Country of Publication United States AU Release Date 2021-01-05 NZ Release Date 2021-01-05 US Release Date 2021-01-05 UK Release Date 2021-01-05 Publisher Random House USA Inc Imprint Ballantine Books Inc. Place of Publication New York Illustrations B&W LINE DRAWINGS/ ILLUSTRATIONS THROUGHOUT DEWEY 649.1 Audience General We've got this At The Nile, if you're looking for it, we've got it. With fast shipping, low prices, friendly service and well over a million items - you're bound to find what you want, at a price you'll love! TheNile_Item_ID:130928426;

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